According to the popular satire website, the Nike Relax Pro sports bra “fits comfortably beneath any baggy hoodie or windbreaker and offers unparalleled support as you quickly run into Stop & Shop to buy Tostitos.”
Writer: Tom Ryan
On Monday, The Onion, the popular satire website, took on the athleisure trend. The fictitious article detailed how Nike had come out with a new sports bra for “women on the go,” albeit designed to be worn “directly under a coat while shambling around the grocery store.”
“The lightweight Nike Relax Pro fits comfortably beneath any baggy hoodie or windbreaker and offers unparalleled support as you quickly run into Stop & Shop to buy Tostitos,” stated a made-up Nike spokesperson Melanie Turnett. “As you hurry from one aisle to the next in search of string cheese and Advil, the Relax Pro’s compression knit fabric helps reduce bounce and discomfort. Plus, the bra’s racerback straps allow for a full range of movement in the checkout line as you dig frantically through your bag to find your misplaced debit card.”
The core technology is a sweat-wicking material that soaks up “hangover-induced perspiration.” The bra is part of Nike’s Sunday Casual collection that also includes “torn, coffee-stained sweatpants and athletic sandals with broken straps.”
This was far from the first time The Onion has parodied Nike as well as the industry’s trends and sports. Here’s some other ridicule over the years:
- Lululemon Executives Furious After Focus Group Leaves Product Testing With Self-Esteem Intact
- Family Spends Relaxing Weekend Destroying Outdoors
- New Nike Running App Tells You What You’re Really Running From
- Michelle Obama Introduces Exercise Program To Combat Obesity In Professional Baseball Players
- Unnerving Adidas Commercial Just Features Derrick Rose Sitting
- Lazy Puma Exec Pitches Commercial Where Usain Bolt Runs Away From Something
- David Duval Still Shilling Nike Golf Products Years After Contract Runs Out
- Scientists Believe Hockey Players May Communicate By Banging Sticks Against Boards
- NFL Adds Passing Concussion Protocol To Pro Bowl Skills Competition
- New Report Suggests It Kind Of Weird Baseball Uniforms Have Belts
- Cyclist Friend Explains Necessity Of $35 Socks
- Rio Police Warn Olympic Runners To Avoid Miles 4 Through 23 Of Marathon Course
- Ruth Bader Ginsburg Debating Whether To Cancel Winter Vacation Climbing K2
- Adidas Unveils New Running Shoe For Fleeing From Mass Shootings
- Soccer Players Under Impression High School’s Football Rivalries Extend To Them Too
- Pee-Wee Hockey Player Wishes Dad Cared Enough To Fight At Games
- Inspirational Nike Ad Gives Woman Courage To Reach Full Spending Potential
- Family Thought Grandfather Might Enjoy Watching Worst Little League Game Imaginable
Photo courtesy The Onion
